


aftermath

by trainerlyra



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Yugioh Big Bang 2019, alternate s3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 06:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20110327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trainerlyra/pseuds/trainerlyra
Summary: After Lightning and Bohman’s defeat and the fall of SOL Tech, the Lost Incident is made partially public. Yusaku and Ryoken must learn how to move on from the past now that it’s available for everyone to gossip about – and move on with their lives, since their Link VRAINS aliases are no longer needed.





	aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, my god, it's finally here lmao. This is my fic for the Yugioh Big Bang over on tumblr! Thank you so much to Tarashima, who was so wonderfully supportive and just. [Seriously,](https://tarashima.tumblr.com/post/186771791122/aftermath-by-championkotone-trainerlyra%22) it is just. SO beautiful. I'm crying. Gosh, I can't believe I finally get to share this to the world - this fic has been in the works since February. I finished the rough draft in May, haha.
> 
> That said: since this was started to early, S2 takes a very different ending turn in this fic and S3 as we know it... never happened. Consider this a S3 replacement!
> 
> Anyways, I really hope you all enjoy this. I poured so much love into this fic, and I'm really really excited for everyone to finally get to see this. I'm also terribly sorry about the length :'D

He should've felt free, all things considered. Lightning, Windy, and Bohman were gone; Jin had been saved and had returned home. Everything seemed to finally be over, once and for all. Link VRAINS was fully reconstructed, even, though Yusaku hadn't seen it for himself. SOL's leader, Queen, had even stepped down after the incident from ten years ago was leaked.

Everything was going back to normal, except Yusaku still did not _have _a normal to go back to.

* * *

In the days and months after the fall of Hanoi, Yusaku had spent his time catching up on much needed sleep and helping Kusanagi out at the hot dog stand. School had not even come close to being on his radar, and with so many of his thoughts still consumed by Ryoken – _where had he gone? Would he come back? Will he learn how to forgive himself? _– three months had passed before he could blink; and just like that, he was back in Link VRAINS as Playmaker once again. Yusaku hadn't had the time to figure out what living was truly like back then. Nor did he really have a reason to, with so many unanswered questions that had swam through his head.

Now, however, he had no choice.

* * *

"Are you positive?" Ryoken asked, when Yusaku had called him that night. "I don't have to be there. It's your call." He said that, but Yusaku knew what he was really asking was _do the others want me there, too? Or is it just you?_

"No," he said firmly, eyes flicking to Takeru, who nodded along, despite his reservations. "We all want you here. This will affect you, too."

Kusanagi's van was already cramped with the five of them inside, but none of them seemed to care. Miyu was perched next to Yusaku on the desk, legs swinging absentmindedly while he spoke on the phone. She had been the one to voice the idea originally, and Yusaku was grateful – he had wanted Ryoken to be there for this, as well. It was only fair.

Spectre stood to the side, looking marginally uninterested after Yusaku had been the one to call his previous boss. Things hadn't been… strained, per se, but they'd been different after the fall of Lightning. Ryoken had refused to let Spectre come back as a Knight, and the two of them had been on awkward footing ever since. Yusaku wasn't sure of the details, and he didn't particularly care to ask either of them, but he wished they would sort it out. Ryoken was just as much a part of these things as the rest of them were – it wouldn't be fair to leave him out just because of his situation with Spectre. It's not like Takeru voiced any complaints, even though _they _still hadn't worked things out, anyways.

"And Jin?" Ryoken finally spoke up again, voice hesitant; though Yusaku understood why.

Spectre and Takeru may have been sore subjects, but Jin was the most damaged out of all of them, still. He sat on the other end of the van, staring off into space. He'd been getting better, slowly, but it was unlikely he'd be joining them for school anytime soon. There were very few people he was comfortable around, and the majority of them were in the van already. He trusted Ryoken – perhaps seeing him as almost some sort of savior, after what happened with Lightning – but… he grew tired very quickly, the more people were in one room.

"Miyu already asked." It was the only thing that would get Ryoken to shut up regarding the younger Kusanagi – who had taken to Miyu extremely quickly.

A sigh, and then: "Okay," Ryoken gave in. "I'll be there soon."

Yusaku pocketed his phone immediately after, shifting his eyes to Miyu. "We'll wait until he gets here, then," he confirmed.

"We waited eleven years now," she joked with a smile. "What's a few more minutes?"

* * *

Despite their kindness in having him be there, Ryoken refused to give any input on what they discussed. He had said as much from his arrival at the van, but something about it didn't sit well with Yusaku. He may not have been a victim, but this was very much a part of his life – what was left of the Knights would likely be jailed, barring Spectre, and his father's work and death would suddenly be very public information. To expose Ryoken like that felt like a breach of trust to Yusaku.

They had all agreed to leak the information to every news site and channel they could think of; Miyu already having a convenient list of the five most viewed in Den City with her. Yusaku had no doubt that she had thought about this for a long time last night, before texting all of the remaining Lost Children about this meetup.

_What_ exactly they were leaking was what they had been trying to figure out. Identities were obviously out for themselves, but Yusaku supposed he wasn't the only one feeling off about throwing Ryoken to the wolves after everything how hard he fought for them in the last battles.

"How did SOL not come after you?" Yusaku asked Ryoken during a lull in discussion, wanting desperately for there to be _something_ to go off of.

"He never put me on many records," the older boy shifted uncomfortably as he spoke. He didn't need to explain who _he_ was to anyone there, nor did he have to think about what Yusaku had meant. "The police were paid off to keep everything under wraps, and I was a minor at the time. He lied and said he worked alone, both on and off the record."

While Yusaku mulled over this explanation, it was Takeru who spoke up. "So would you still remain anonymous?"

Ryoken's face twisted, but he smoothed it out almost too fast for anyone to catch it. "My place of residency is under my mother's name. I would likely be fine."

"If we make sure to end the leak with the fact that SOL murdered the Doctor," Miyu spoke up, "then probably nothing would happen to Ryoken, even if we include the other Knights. It's not like he was involved back then."

Subconsciously, nearly everyone's eyes moved to observe Spectre at those words. They hadn't yet talked about the possibility of what he still considered his family all being jailed for life – and they still hadn't talked to him about how he felt about his involvement in putting them there.

When he was brought back, after Lightning and Bohman were defeated, Ryoken demanded that he stop being part of the Knights. It was his tag duel with Yusaku that made him realize something needed to give; and that, in helping Spectre, he had also robbed him of a real recovery.

Spectre, however, didn't say anything about that. Instead, he gave a thin, listless smile to the group. "We're not bringing up anything from later years, correct?" He asked, and Miyu nodded slowly. That had been a point of discussion earlier, but they'd all agreed that after Ryoken's change of heart, charging him for his crimes committed as Revolver wasn't something they were interested in. "Then we'll be fine."

Nobody spoke up about the fact that he still said _we_, but Yusaku could see the pained look on Ryoken's face before he schooled it back again.

"Do you have the video footage?" Takeru asked Spectre, pushing the discussion forward. "We can go through and see what we can work with."

Everyone agreed, though Yusaku's eyes lingered on Ryoken. He stepped aside, letting the others work together without him involved. It was hard to tell what any of them were thinking – even Miyu, who almost always wore her heart on her sleeve. This was something that was a long time coming, but there was so much uncertainty following it: would their identities somehow be leaked, after the fall of SOL and Queen? Would they be able to live in a world where suddenly, the darkest parts of their lives were available for public consumption, even if they weren't directly attached to the articles? These were secrets they had held close to them for over a decade, now, and not just them. Those of them who were lucky enough to still have family had held onto it, too, responding in different ways.

Everyone there knew the elder Kusanagi, and how he was Yusaku's first true friend. Their parents weren't as involved, letting Shoichi handle the footwork of Jin's recovery, but they were just as damaged. Takeru's grandparents were obviously aware of what had happened, keeping the burden of the secret all this time, even into their old age. And Miyu's mother—

Well, they didn't talk about Miyu's family situation, much.

He didn't have time to dwell, though – the others were waiting for him to sift through the video footage, and he would be the one doing the editing for all the clips, and likely all the programming. Spectre may have been talented, but even he was no match for Yusaku's speed. Time was still a luxury Yusaku couldn't afford, yet.

* * *

The moment Yusaku arrived at school the next day, the entire student body was absolutely _buzzing_. He didn't bother checking the news that morning to make sure everything had went through correctly – the multiple texts he'd woken up to did that particular job just fine – but he knew there was only one story that would force this kind of reaction out of people.

Aoi was the first to meet his eyes – unsurprisingly, the rest of their class focusing too much on various phones blaring videos, and Miyu and Takeru remained in the other class – but just gave him a nod. They still, after all this time, weren't the closest; despite Aoi now being fully aware of his alter ego and backstory, thanks to Miyu.

"Fujiki!" Naoki was obviously the next, chasing him down with his phone waving wildly in his hand. "Did you see the news?" He opened his mouth to say no, but Naoki continued on without a care, chattering away as they moved to their seats. "A _huge _leak about SOL got revealed this morning! It's crazy! Do you want to see the video?"

_No_, he did not. He'd spent all night looking at which videos to send out, and though none of them were of them as children, it all brought back too many painful memories. Likely the only reason they had all managed to get through the night without a breakdown was because they were all there together, Ryoken included.

"Not interested," he replied coolly, sitting down at his desk with ease. Though his body was tense – when wasn't it – he was careful not to sound _too _detached or disinterested, lest Naoki get the wrong idea and think he was trying to play it off.

He was saved by the bell, luckily, as his homeroom teacher came in soon after and forced the classroom to settle down.

Yusaku sighed. He knew today would be tough, but this was… almost too much. Somehow, the idea of dealing with his gossiping classmates was almost worse than dealing with Lightning and Bohman at full power.

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

It said a lot about how lost in thought Yusaku was, considering he didn't even notice Ryoken walking up behind him. He didn't flinch, though; didn't turn around, because he didn't need to. Yusaku could and would recognize that voice in an instant, anywhere.

Shrugging instead, his eyes were still glued onto the sparkling water in front of him. It was nowhere near sunset yet, but the summer sun looked beautiful reflecting on the water regardless. "What are you?" Yusaku asked in response, usual monotone sounding much more weathered than usual.

It had been a long few weeks, for all of them.

He heard Ryoken shift behind him, then footsteps, until finally Ryoken's white hair is visible in his peripheral vision. "I'm not in the mood for mind games right now, Playmaker."

The use of his VRAINS username set Yusaku on edge; it had been a while since Ryoken had called him that. During their tag duel against Lightning, both of them had slipped into using each other's real names, and they hadn't went back since. Something in Yusaku's stomach churned at hearing it now, but he crushed the feeling before it could fully form.

Forcing his eyes onto Ryoken, he takes in the older boy slowly. His blue eyes, staring out at Stardust Road, look about what Yusaku expects his own to look like. Devoid of anything, really. It's a shame, really – he'd always thought Ryoken's eyes were beautiful, even when they first met as children.

"I'm here to clear my mind," Yusaku finally responds after a moment. "It was getting hard to think."

Even if it wasn't Ryoken that was asking, Yusaku wouldn't have seen a reason to lie. School had been hard, with the release of information. All the worries of their identities somehow getting leaked had been keeping him up at odd hours, scouring various forums and making sure nobody online had gotten a hold of anything vital. Calls for Ghost Girl and Blood Shepherd among others to use their skills were a constant, and some even would go as far as to say Playmaker should just reveal himself – it was grating on all of them.

He wondered, though, if it had been grating on the two of them most of all. They were Playmaker and Revolver – and Yusaku realized with a start that may have very well been why he instinctively used that name today. They had been at the center of the public conflict much longer than anyone else; even Takeru, who had been very visible as Soulburner, didn't have the kind of fan base Revolver or Playmaker did.

Ryoken finally met green eyes, sighing as he did so. "Me, too," he confessed, voice so soft it was threatened to get swallowed by the sound of the sea, even with it being so distant. "Me, too."

Neither of them said anything for a long time, after that; both content to just stare at the moving tide. Yusaku hadn't thought it would be this hard for him, if he was being honest with himself. Having the other kids at school constantly speaking about his past trauma, constantly talking about it and even in some terrible cases making jokes of it was much, much more difficult than he thought. The nightmares, the need for revenge hadn't plagued him since the Tower of Hanoi, but just a few years of actively trying to get over something wouldn't make it _disappear_.

Yusaku had lived most of his life plagued by the Lost Incident, after all. Any surprise he felt towards his own issues with being at school lately was pointless.

Nonetheless, though, he was honest with Ryoken when he said it had been hard to think. His function level at school had all but dropped to nothing. Even at his apartment, or at Cafe Nagi, Yusaku was unfocused and out of sorts; almost as if he had a never ending case of vertigo. If he heard about the Lost Incident from various students too often, he would even forget to breathe, sometimes.

It wasn't just him, either. Takeru and Miyu both faced similar issues, they just had different ways of showing it, and dealing with it. Takeru was more volatile as of late, and Miyu more closed off than Yusaku had ever seen the girl. It was hard watching his friends like that.

Here, though, at Stardust Road, it was like Yusaku's brain snapped back into reality. Even if only for a few minutes, the reprieve was better than nothing at all. He wasn't sure what it was about this place that helped him so much. It certainly wasn't the quiet, since the summer sun attracted many to the beautiful ocean walkway. Whatever it was, it did its job as well as it needed to.

And while he wasn't expecting to run into Ryoken that day, well, Yusaku wouldn't complain. Even if the other boy seemed just as troubled as he was at the moment, that was okay too.

* * *

"It'll die down," Takeru told him on the way to Cafe Nagi. "It's not like they can talk about it forever or anything."

Aoi, on the other side of Takeru, snorted, but didn't say anything. Yusaku knew just as well as she did, though – this was the news break of a lifetime. SOL had completely hidden this from the public for well over a decade, and it wasn't just a small scale scandal: six _children _were kidnapped and tortured for six months, by employees of the largest and most trusted company in all of Japan. It was no wonder the very next day, the CEO known as Queen was forced to step down; Akira very quickly taking her place. The _majority _of SOL Technology's senior line up was forcibly removed not long after, if not currently being held on bail, along with the remaining members of the Knights of Hanoi; Vyra getting a larger sentence due to the fact that she had broken out once already.

Even the police department was on blast by the public for cooperating in keeping this out of the media's reach, despite the fact that most of the officers involved had retired by now. There was no way talk of this was going to stop any time soon – regardless of how much Yusaku wished for it.

"Takeru, we're just gonna have to figure out how to deal properly," Miyu said, a sad smile on her face. "We really should've expected this, honestly!"

"I know," he agreed, though he was still frowning. "It's just when they talk about wanting to find the victims—"

"I know," she parroted back, her own face contorting with the thought. "They have no right, no idea what they're talking about. But that's just it – it's just dumb kids talking about things they know nothing about. We've got to learn not to let it get to us."

Yusaku knew there was truth to Miyu's words – there always was – but it was much easier said than _done_. When he was younger, he had completely alienated himself from any form of connection, solving the problem but cutting it off. Now that he was older, and had started to heal, Yusaku was also realizing that he was vulnerable because of it. Cutting an infected limb off meant there was nothing left to hurt it. Taking proper care of it meant that it had the risk of getting infected again, he supposed.

"Tell Kusanagi I'll be back later," Yusaku said after a moment, turning around. "Got something to take care of first."

The other three looked at him curiously, but knew not to press him. With how draining everyday life had been lately, Kusanagi would understand if Yusaku needed a small break before being at the van, if he even showed up at all. He was thankful for that – even Takeru, who once would've pushed him about it, just gave him a nod and a small smile today.

A deep sigh, and he began the long walk to Stardust Road. It helped him yesterday, even if it was only a small moment of peace; there was no reason not to try again.

* * *

Clouds covered the sky today, which meant unlike the last time he'd been there, it was a peaceful quiet. Tourists didn't care enough about Stardust Road to try and see it on a cloudy day, which was fine by Yusaku. He had been on high alert all day – his paranoia coming back with a vengeance, now that people were _actively_ after his identity. What had already been a terrible sleep schedule at best rapidly turned into maybe a nap during school if he was lucky; the fear somehow he had forgotten to wipe _something_ or that SOL Tech still had some files making his religious checks grow longer and longer.

The night before he had barely even registered when his alarm went off. He hadn't went to sleep at all, up all night at his desk double and triple checking every possible place that could connect their names to the incident. He'd been through SOL's systems many times, both from the comfort of his own apartment and in Link VRAINS as Playmaker, reinforcing the firewalls and various locks on their vault with his own hands.

"You again," a familiar voice startled Yusaku out of his thoughts, but this time, he did flinch.

He turned around quickly, his paranoia forcing him to jump into action without thinking, and Ryoken seemed startled by the sudden movement. As soon as his brain processed who, exactly, was standing in front of him, Yusaku felt himself deflate ever so slightly, shoulders still tense.

"Sorry," he apologized, though he wasn't exactly sure what he was apologizing _for_. "Hello, Ryoken." Even after all this time, Yusaku still wasn't used to the way his name rolled off his tongue. The name suited him, he had always felt – as soon as he heard it the first time, on that fateful day inside the older boy's mansion, it had instantly felt _right_.

Ryoken's unblinking eyes glossed over him quickly, and he walked slowly over to his side to rest his arms on the metal fence. "Why are you here this time?" He asked, a frown forming on his lips.

Yusaku blinked as he turned back around to face the ocean. "Same reason as last time," he said honestly, likely sounding even worse than the last time. "Hard to think."

Hard to _sleep_, hard to _think_, hard to _exist_. Part of Yusaku wondered if this was really the best course of actions; to have opened themselves up like this. Sure, they stayed anonymous, including Spectre and Ryoken's involvement as Knights, but what did that mean when there was a constant nagging of _someone might care enough to leak it._

It was a stupid thought, Yusaku knew rationally. It was a stupid thing to keep them all so on edge, when it was about an Incident that happened a decade ago that they had all begun to move on from. As someone who preferred, as his main way of dealing with his problems, to take them on head first, he was exhausted and frustrated – not just with the situation that was far out of his control but also with how _weak _he felt.

The hair on the back of his neck stood up every single time someone mentioned wanting to find the victims at school, and the lack of sleep certainly wasn't helping. Before, he used to be able to nap in class at least somewhat comfortably, eased by the number of people around. Now, somewhere in the back of his mind, he'd become wary and suspicious of almost all of them. The very people he used to trust to keep him comfortably anonymous had turned against him, and they were none the wiser.

Yusaku's eyes shifted to Ryoken, who stared out at the sea, still unblinking. This had to be effecting him too, he knew. And not just because of last time. The older boy may have understood during their last duel against Lightning that the rest of the Ignis did not _want_ to fight; that they had only lashed out because they felt their peace was threatened, but that didn't mean he suddenly hated his father for everything he had done.

And that was alright – Ryoken's thoughts on his father would likely always be complicated. While Yusaku only knew him as his torturer, Ryoken had known him as a father, as family.

He had long ago come to terms with that. It made perfect sense, anyways. Not only did he grow up craving his affection, but he also dedicated years and years of his life to achieving his father's goal. Of course he would always think highly of him, in some way. Memories where someone was _human_, and not just the egotistical monster they had become, would hold sway over anyone. Not even Yusaku could fault him for that.

It was what convinced him, during their final duel against each other, that Ryoken was still worth saving.

"Why are you here?" Yusaku questioned him, green eyes searching for any kind of information. How he was doing, how he was handling everything, anything.

Ryoken didn't look away from Stardust Road, but his grip on the fence grew tighter at the question. "There's still so much I don't understand," he confessed, voice hard despite the vulnerable words. "About my father, about the Ignis, and about what's happened. Where my place is in all this."

In all honesty, Yusaku hadn't been expecting Ryoken to open up at all – he was still very much a private person, even though they'd grown closer since originally teaming up to take on Lightning. And that, too, was okay with Yusaku: he didn't need anything from Ryoken. Just knowing the other boy and having him be part of his life was something he hadn't thought possible for so long. But to hear him trust Yusaku enough to say_ anything_, anything at all…

It made something in his chest flutter unexpectedly.

"Understandable," he agreed. "It's a lot."

Ryoken scoffed. "You don't need to pretend to care," he said, finally turning to face him. His knuckles were white on the fence. "_You _were the victim. I was the one who led you down the River Styx." He smiled, then – much like the smile he wore the first night they'd truly met face to face, it held no happiness in it. It was a dark, grim thing.

His words, however, aggravated Yusaku. How Ryoken could think that, after everything – he sighed in frustration. "I'm not_ pitying_ you," he ground out. "I'm trying to be—"

He was lost for words. Helpful? A comrade? What defined what they were to each other, how Yusaku felt about him? Had he ever really thought about it?

"I'm trying to be your friend," he finally settled on, green eyes boring holes into Ryoken's blue ones. "I forgave you long ago. I told you that at the Tower of Hanoi, and again when we worked together to defeat Lightning." Neither of them were very good at this, Yusaku recognized, but he at least was willing to _try_. Maybe it was his blunt nature, or maybe it was just how much he cared about the boy who stood in front of him, but this wasn't something he'd let go of easily.

Even if the words had be to be hissed from behind his teeth, and he felt stupid for even saying them aloud.

"Why _do _you care? Even if I saved you," Ryoken breathed out, the words hot and angry in his throat, "I was still the one who _put you there!_" The exclamation was loud, a far cry from his near whisper before, and Yusaku was once again grateful for the lack of people there today. This was not knowledge he, and he doubted Ryoken, wanted outsiders becoming privy to, even out of context. "I am just as guilty—"

"No," Yusaku cut him off, voice harsh. "You're not. You were a child, just like I was, and your father—"

"I sided with him—"

"_Stop_." He didn't raise his voice, but the emotion behind it was enough to make the older boy recoil instantly. "Do you think I'm still that child, lost and alone?" Yusaku asked, narrowing his eyes. "It's been over a decade since I was trapped there. I have had _plenty_ of time to think and form my own opinion of you and what happened. You do not get to decide for me."

They were both silent for a moment, and Yusaku loosened his own grip on the fence. When he had started gripping it, he wasn't even sure. The silence was thick, and his heart pounded deep in his chest. In Link VRAINS, as Playmaker, he was used to confrontation – never fearing it, just doing what needed to be done; but in the real world, Yusaku Fujiki wasn't. Anxiety pulsed through his veins, and he did his best to stomp down on the feeling.

_Stupid, _he thought to himself. _Stupid_.

"And what did you decide?" Ryoken's voice was quiet, devoid of anything that Yusaku could pick up on. He held the older boy's gaze, though, and didn't falter.

"I decided long ago that I forgave you," he repeated. "I decided that I wanted to make a new future, together, with the one who I wanted to save. The one that kidnapped me and the one that got us all out. That hasn't changed."

Both boys refused to look away from each other. Ryoken's blue eyes weren't softening, but Yusaku didn't expect them to. This man – this _boy _in front of him, was so full of guilt and confusion. He didn't expect anything from him, not really. He had ten years to come to terms with everything, to decide to make his own path in life and form his own thoughts about things. An entire decade of being left alone with nothing but his own thoughts for company.

Ryoken, on the other side of things, never got the chance. From the moment he made the call, things were out of his control – the guilt that came with leading all six children to their torture and the guilt that came with killing his own flesh and blood shaped everything in his life. He had no choice but to follow alongside his megalomaniac father; reconstructing him in Link VRAINS and following his orders. It was all he had, it was all he knew.

And now that it was over and dealt with – now that, in the moments it mattered most, Ryoken had thrown it all away to _help Yusaku_, he was at a loss. Everything he'd worked for had been destroyed, and what he had assumed to be the only path had opened up into thousands.

"Okay," Ryoken said, turning his head back towards the ocean. "I don't forgive myself, but I can't make you share my thoughts. You're your own person." Yusaku stayed quiet, letting Ryoken continue on his own time. "I still haven't made up my mind about things," he told him honestly, voice strained, "but you have. I need to learn to accept that."

_You need to learn to accept yourself,_ Yusaku wanted to argue, but he held his tongue. "There's a lot I don't understand," he went with instead, inclining his head towards the older boy. So many words raced through his head, so many different things he could tell Ryoken –

But he shut out all of them. Now was not the time, nor the place, to spill everything and anything to him. This wasn't a life or death battle, this wasn't right after he had finally, _finally _found him after ten years of wondering, of searching. Yusaku didn't have that kind of excuse, this time, and Miyu had told him he needed to learn some tact.

Well, he supposed he was learning.

* * *

"They just won't stop," Miyu sighed from Yusaku's right, looking glumly at her shoes. Even she, who had reminded them that the other students likely wouldn't, was growing sick of the constant reminders. "Just _one day_, is that too much to ask?"

Evidently, yes. It'd been a month, now, and still it was the hot topic everywhere – in school and online. It wasn't quite as prevalent as when Akira first made the full announcement, but that was almost worse. When it was everyone, at least they were prepared. Now the conversations would start with no warning, sometimes startling Yusaku and the others.

"Are you going on another errand?" She asked, once she realized she wouldn't get a response from him. "I'm sure Kusanagi will understand. It's pretty overcast today, too," Miyu continued, tilting her head up to face the sky, "so it's not like you'd be missing a lot of work."

Yusaku hadn't thought about going back to Stardust Road for about a week, after the last time. Part of him didn't want to go out of embarrassment, for spilling his thoughts so freely; part of him wanted to give Ryoken space to think about what he'd said. In all honesty, though, today had been particularly hard: worse than no sleep, he was running on sleep that had been horribly interrupted by the sudden return of his old nightmares.

"Yeah, I think I do have something to do," Yusaku told Miyu, returning her bright smile with a nod. "Thanks."

She nodded back, satisfied. Although he'd never told her – or even Takeru or Kusanagi, for that matter – what he had been doing, Yusaku thought that she knew, anyways.

"See you tomorrow, then," she said with a lazy wave, continuing her walk alone.

He waited a moment, taking a deep breath before turning and beginning the long walk to Stardust Road. With any luck, Ryoken would magically be there again, as he had been every other time Yusaku had gone.

* * *

It didn't take long for the white haired boy to appear behind him, as he stared out into the ocean. The normally sparkling sea didn't have much shine today, with clouds covering the sky fully again, but Yusaku found it beautiful all the same. It had provided a nice distraction until Ryoken had arrived.

He announced himself with a cough, before stiffly making his way next to Yusaku to grip the fence once again. "Playmaker," he greeted, voice just as stiff as his movements.

Yusaku merely nodded at him, unsure what to say or if he should even say anything. He had wanted to see him, sure; but was Ryoken ready for the conversation that would likely follow? He should be, Yusaku rationalized, since _he _was the one who came down to meet him, not the other way around. If he wasn't ready, he'd still be standing there alone.

Now if only his pounding heart would get the message.

"I – about last time—"

"I'm sorry," Yusaku cut him off, leaping for the moment as soon as Ryoken opened his mouth. "I shouldn't have gone off at you like that."

There was a pause from Ryoken, whose face morphed from uncomfortable to confuse in an instant. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Yusaku repeated, slowly losing confidence in himself. Ryoken's sharp gaze – despite the confusion written plainly all over his face – was making him feel smaller and smaller the longer he held his eyes.

"_I'm _sorry," Ryoken finally said, after blinking at him a few more times. "Why are _you _apologizing? You didn't do anything."

Now it was Yusaku's turn to blink. He didn't like feeling like he had overstepped his boundaries with Ryoken; or upset the older boy in any way. That had never been his intention with his words from last time around – they were only meant to get him out of his own head – however, Yusaku understood that Ryoken hadn't had time like he had.

"It's okay." The words came out without him really having to think about them. "I understand." And he _did_, truly – for some reason, it had never been difficult for him to connect with and understand Ryoken, no matter how hard he struggled with other people. It was the same for anyone who was a victim to the Lost Incident; in Yusaku's mind, Ryoken was one as well. Not the _same_, obviously, but he had suffered more than enough for him to earn that title in his mind.

Ryoken let a sigh escape his lips, relaxing his posture slightly.

"I want to make it clear that you did nothing wrong, however," he frowned slightly as he spoke, brows furrowing along with it. "You – you always speak your mind, and that's not something I'd like you to stop."

Just like that, it was like a wave of relief hit Yusaku, and he felt everything that had been clouding him since last week vanish into thin air. "I don't want to upset you," he said, but he already felt lighter than he had since.

"If you upset me with what you said," Ryoken half smiled – it was a little off, still, but Yusaku was glad to see it all the same. It was something rare, something precious. "that is nobody's fault but my own."

Both of them enjoyed the newly found peace for a few moments, turning back to face the ocean. It was quiet, and Yusaku reveled in it – his mind had finally stopped swimming, and even his paranoia he could feel slowly slipping away slowly here. He knew some of it had to do with the older boy's presence, but he wondered if it was also just the location, too. He had come here originally to clear his mind, after all; if it was working, that just meant that he knew himself fairly well.

After a while, Yusaku's eyes drifted back to Ryoken, only to find he had also made his way back to facing him. He blinked owlishly at the sight, wondering how zoned out he must have been to not have noticed. Most people, Yusaku felt, probably wouldn't have noticed, but with how on guard he'd been in the last month, he was surprised.

"Do you want," Ryoken coughed into his hand, looking away from Yusaku's too-green stare, "to come get dinner? I haven't eaten all day." As per usual with the Kogami heir, his question, despite covered in obvious embarrassment, came out as more of a demand.

Yusaku awarded him with a rare, quick smile – if you could even call his upward tick of the lips a _smile_.

"Where to?"

* * *

They ended up at a ramen place near the ocean side, where Ryoken had apparently been to before.

"I don't cook much," he told Yusaku on the way, almost sheepish. "I never really had the time. Takeout is faster."

Yusaku found himself nodding along, thinking of his own barren fridge and trash full of empty bentos. Part of that was because of lack of funds, sure, but time was definitely a contributing factor.

The small restaurant was quaint; a classic ramen bar if Yusaku had ever seen one. He sat down carefully, doing his best to appear comfortable. There weren't many people at the bar, easing his tense nerves a little, though feeling out of his element was not helping him calm down. Usually, he would just grab whatever was cheap or on sale from the convenience store down the street; the two to five dollar meals being perfectly acceptable on the days he wasn't at Cafe Nagi. Eating out was something of a foreign concept to him.

Ryoken, on the other hand, looked completely in his element. He dealt with people like he was born to do so; easy smiles and the ability to form proper sentences and all. He ordered for Yusaku without blinking, and while the blue haired boy felt he should be offended by the action, he instead felt rather comforted by it.

They didn't speak to each other again until the food came out, two giant bowls placed in front of them. Yusaku dug in immediately, long since rid of the embarrassment of eating quickly. He'd been without food one too many times to care.

During the meal, it was almost painfully obvious to Yusaku how badly Ryoken wanted to say something, but didn't. He had never been one to beat around the bush, so after taking a large gulp of his noodles, Yusaku turned to Ryoken with purpose.

If he wouldn't start the conversation, Yusaku gladly would, this time. "The other thing that's been bothering me," empowered by clearing the air beforehand, he started simply, and if he startled Ryoken, the older boy didn't show it. "Is that after all of this is dealt with, I still don't know anything."

A beat, and then: "What do you mean?"

Turning back to his bowl to ready another spoonful of broth, Yusaku continued. "What _is_ normal?" He asked, his eyes now peering deep into the ramen, watching as the egg he hadn't eaten yet slowly moved around in the broth. "I've never experienced normal, my entire life. I don't know where to go from here."

His confession was met with a thoughtful silence; Ryoken's eyes on him carefully as Yusaku kept eating his food.

"What happened to seizing a new future, and all that?" He asked in return; partly a jab, but there was sincerity behind it, too. These feelings were ones Ryoken wasn't unfamiliar with, which was partially why Yusaku felt comfortable bringing them up to him.

Shrugging, he took another generous helping of noodles before answering. "I still meant that," he told him honestly. "I just haven't figured out what that looks like for me."

Neither of them said anything for a moment, before Yusaku decided to continue. "I thought I might have, after the Tower of Hanoi," he said, eyes moving back to Ryoken's, who still hadn't gone back to his own bowl. "You should eat that, it'll get cold. But now I'm not sure."

Ryoken took his advice, turning back to his bowl to take a much more reasonable spoonful of broth, moving some noodles over the duck spoon with grace. He let himself mull over Yusaku's words as he chewed, before replying. "Maybe there's too much going on for you to stop," he suggested.

It was a valid thought. His paranoia had increased tenfold since outing SOL Tech, and the sleepless nights that led him to this odd meeting certainly wasn't helping matters. But even before they had their big meeting, even before they'd gone ahead and leaked the Lost Incident, Yusaku hadn't been sure of how to move on.

Oh, he'd preached it to Ryoken many times over the course of their latest… adventure, in Link VRAINS. He'd begged the older boy for it, the first time they'd met after the Tower of Hanoi, pleading with him to let his hatred go and to _live_; barely even noticing the presence of Lightning and Windy at the time.

But had he really understood what he preached? He wondered that often, now. During the three months he'd been without anything to do, all he'd really done was help out Kusanagi at Cafe Nagi and worry over the boy sitting next to him. He didn't _get _anything out of it, not really, and he certainly hadn't become a social butterfly or any of the other things that Akira had expected him to become, so long ago during their duel.

The only thing that had really changed was that he no longer went to Link VRAINS, except to check on files in SOL's vault. There was no longer an official reason for Playmaker to exist; all threats had been dealt with and taken care of. Before the Tower of Hanoi, the only mantra he had to keep going was his Three Reasons: to rebuild his life, to help the other families and victims into recovery, and to rescue the one who saved him.

After he had defeated Revolver, back then, he had succeeded in all of his goals. And now that all of the remaining Lost Incident victims were safe – including Ryoken – he didn't know what else to do. Was there a point to his life, even?

He wasn't sure.

"Maybe," Yusaku finally said, words agreeing but tone not so much.

"You already know my thoughts on this." Ryoken waved his hand carelessly with a sigh. "My thoughts haven't changed at all."

Yusaku snorted. He was sure of that, alright, if his words earlier were anything to go by. _You were the victim. I was the one that led you down the River Styx. _Putting his duck spoon down in his now empty bowl, he turned to fully face Ryoken at the booth.

"Thanks for the meal," he said, though both of them knew he really meant _thank you for talking to me. Thank you for trying_.

The older boy nodded slowly, turning away to slide out of the bar stool. "Likewise."

* * *

It's not long before Yusaku ends up in front of Stardust Road again – it's barely even a few days. Like he'd predicted, and much to Takeru's chagrin, the fanfare at school had not yet died out. They had to adapt, all of them, to their trauma being out in the open like this; this was Yusaku's adaptation.

It was bustling today, with the sun shining high and no clouds in sight. It put him on edge, but he dutifully ignored the noises of the crowd. Here, he felt he blends in better, anyways. Just a student passing by to look at the beautiful, sparkling ocean. No different from many others there, eating vendor food and laughing with friends after a long day of work.

Almost as if on cue, Ryoken joined him moments later with a nod of acknowledgement. Yusaku couldn't think of a time he had come to this shore since the fall of SOL Tech where he hadn't ended up seeing the older boy, though it wasn't like he minded at all. Some hidden part of him even wondered if he came here _because _Ryoken was likely to show up.

That hidden part, really, was getting louder and louder inside his head with each passing day.

They both stared in silence for a few minutes, neither of them wanting to say or do anything past the initial greeting. The wariness from the hustle and bustle of the crowd behind them had already begun to fade; the tension of Yusaku's shoulders slowly seeping out. He wasn't quite sure what it was about Ryoken's presence that made him relax so much, but the effects were clear.

"There's a cafe Miyu mentioned the other day," he started, the casualness of his tone almost making him feel like he wasn't even real. "I'm hungry."

Ryoken blinked at him, but if he was taken aback by the obvious request that was all he would show of it. "Okay," he agreed easily, the corners of his lips turning up. "Lead the way, Playmaker."

This time, the use of his Link VRAINS username didn't feel at all like an attempt to block him out. It gives him a feeling that Yusaku can't quite place; he doesn't have a name for the warmth that it brings to his chest and face, yet. "Okay," he parroted back, turning away from the bright blue ocean to face the crowd instead. "Okay."

* * *

The cafe was more or less what Yusaku had expected from something Miyu suggested. It had a light, airy feel to it; the furniture being plush and comfortable and the menu being mostly coffees and pastries. It wasn't somewhere he'd normally frequent, and he was still trying to figure out what, exactly, had possessed him to mention it to Ryoken.

Once they had found a more secluded area in the cafe to enjoy their drinks – Yusaku had only gotten a black coffee, while Ryoken had seemed keen on trying out one of the fancier drinks – Ryoken shifted his gaze onto Yusaku's.

"Miyu," he started, "does she like these kinds of places?"

After they had recovered Jin and Miyu, Yusaku had noticed Ryoken had gained an odd sort of… curiosity, about the victims – especially after he had all but ordered Spectre to try and find a new way of life, paying for an apartment and groceries and all. In the months leading up to their big meeting about SOL Tech, he had tried his best to get to know Miyu and Jin, to different outcomes.

Miyu, surprising absolutely none of them, had taken to him instantly; not blaming him at all for her kidnapping, and instead being grateful at the chance to get to know him. She was happy to see that he had found a new path on his own, after his father had passed, and wanted nothing more than for the two of them to become friends. Ryoken was appreciative, but hesitant – he wanted to know her, but it was almost like she was from another planet in his mind. Her bubbly, carefree nature was so different than what he had expected, and what he was used to, that Yusaku wasn't surprised that it was sometimes difficult for the older boy to interact with her.

Even so, her strength still amazed Yusaku. The fact that she kept trying to be close to the white haired boy despite his awkwardness and missteps was incredible.

Jin, on the other hand, was difficult in an entirely separate way. The boy was eternally grateful to Ryoken, after what had happened with Lightning, but something in him was still fundamentally broken. None of them were sure if it would ever be fixed. He was still unable to go to school, unable to be around most people. He liked Ryoken – more than the older boy had anticipated, most likely – but was nervous, too. When they were one on one, from what Yusaku had heard from the elder Kusanagi, it went okay, but it seemed like Ryoken was at a loss of what to do in those times.

"Yeah," Yusaku answered after shaking himself out of his thoughts. "She's got a massive sweet tooth. Always stuffing candy in her pockets to sneak during class."

It hadn't taken her long to find where she fit into Team Playmaker, as they had dubbed it. She and Takeru got along as well as one would expect; and if someone had told him she and Aoi hadn't seen each other for a decade, he wouldn't have believed them. Even Spectre, who had been scarce since Ryoken had kicked him out, had taken a liking to the spunky girl in his own way.

Ryoken hummed at that, thoroughly unsurprised. "If you don't mind me asking," he started, pausing to take a sip of his drink before continuing, "how has she been doing?"

"You can ask her yourself," he replied bluntly. "She wants to be your friend, you know."

"I'm aware," Ryoken said lightly, a hint of a smile on his face. "Maybe I'll do that, then."

Content with his answer, Yusaku backed down, leaning into the comfortable furniture of the cafe. They sat in silence for a bit, happy to just enjoy each other's company.

It was new territory for Yusaku, doing things like this. Sure, he had friends now in the other victims, and of course Kusanagi, but they didn't really… hang out? He wasn't sure what to call what he and Ryoken were doing right now. Usually, Yusaku's friends would see him at school, or at Cafe Nagi. They didn't go out one on one most of the time, unless there was something serious going on.

The exception to that rule was Takeru, and that's only because he was _Takeru_. He didn't take no for an answer when it came to those sorts of things.

"Thank you for inviting me out," Ryoken broke the silence, forcing Yusaku once again away from his thoughts. Quickly, he glanced at Ryoken's drink, only to feel oddly relieved when he saw that it was still half full. "I, like Miyu, quite like these sorts of places."

Yusaku snorted, completely unsurprised at his admission. "Consider it payment for last time," he said, waving the older boy off.

"Guess I'll have to pay you back for this, then," Ryoken replied, in an almost teasing tone that Yusaku had never really heard before. For some reason, at his smile, Yusaku's heart grew louder in his chest, and blood rushed to his face.

"Well," he said after a moment, "I'll look forward to it."

* * *

It wasn't exactly unusual for him to join the others for lunch, but it had been a while since he had. That day, thinking about the almost odd conversation with Ryoken the other night, somehow led him up the stairs to Den City High School's roof.

When Yusaku arrived, Takeru was the only one there, sitting in his usual place with his back resting against the concrete wall. "Hey, Yusaku!" He called out with a grin, patting the space beside him. "I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you," he joked. "It's good to see you."

He nodded, making his way over to his friend. It hadn't been that long, really – they'd gone longer with no contact before – but it felt different, this time. Before, when they were working hard in Link VRAINS, they could always be assured that they would see each other at the end of their session once they logged out; and something about that had been almost comforting. Now that everything was over and done with, however…

"Sorry," Yusaku apologized, tone blunt as always. "I've had a lot on my mind." He sat down next to Takeru, unwrapping his rice ball methodically. He didn't say it out loud, but it felt nice to be in familiar company again.

"Miyu said as much," Takeru hummed in agreement. "She and Aoi went to the cafeteria today, by the way. I didn't feel like joining."

Yusaku understood. Going down anywhere with too many students, still, was like walking directly into the belly of the beast. Somehow, despite it having been over a month already, the hot topic at school was still speculating who the Lost Incident victims could be; discussing if it was anyone who went to their school or anyone they knew as a child. It was frustrating that they didn't realize the harm they were, in fact, actively causing the victims they claimed to want to help. Even more so than that, it was draining.

Both of them were quiet for a moment, eating their lunches in peace. It was moments like this where Yusaku was glad the Ignises had gone back to their own world to live peacefully after the defeat of Lightning and Windy – he often missed Ai, which mildly surprised him, but he knew a moment like this wouldn't stay quiet if he and Flame were around. Part of him had felt weird and unsettled ever since Ai had finally left his duel disk for good; he hadn't known what to do with himself in those three months of peace, and he still didn't know what to do with himself now.

Takeru must've noticed his change in expression, because he paused taking a bite of his rice to look at his friend curiously. "What's been on your mind?" He asked, blue eyes searching Yusaku's.

Looking at the sky, Yusaku sighed, lunch already eaten – not like it had been much, anyways; just the rice ball he'd grabbed from the store this morning. It wasn't that he didn't trust Takeru, quite the opposite: he trusted the boy with his life. They had fought together for far longer than the rest of their small group, barring the older Kusanagi, after all. It was more so that Yusaku didn't really know how to go about talking about… whatever _this_ was. The feeling that had been on his mind had been growing, stronger and stronger; and after yesterday's conversation with Ryoken it had become inescapable.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Takeru continued when Yusaku offered him no response, "but I'm your friend, you know."

It was a line he'd heard many times in the past; Takeru's classic _you can rely on me_ coming to Yusaku's mind and drawing out a small smile from him. "It's not that I don't want to," he finally said, shaking his head slightly.

Neither of them said anything to that, unsure of how to go from there. The silence wasn't awkward; albeit a bit strained, with both boys _wanting_ to go somewhere with this conversation but not really knowing where to start. After a few minutes, Yusaku finally sighed, meeting Takeru's eyes once again.

Speaking to people, connecting to them and sharing his feelings with them… it was something that still alluded Yusaku, for the most part. He had spent so much of his life making sure he held everyone at arm's length, and now that he didn't have to, he wasn't sure how to proceed. Talking with Ryoken was easy – they were one in the same, as he'd told the older boy in the past – but even the other Lost Incident victims were difficult for Yusaku. Easier, yes, then befriending Aoi for example, but difficult nonetheless.

"I don't really know," Yusaku said, swallowing down whatever deep part of him to _stop stop stop_. "I don't really know how to live."

* * *

Yusaku didn't bother going to Cafe Nagi today, nor did he make his way to Stardust Road. Instead, he headed straight back to his apartment with Takeru, intent on trying to figure something, _anything _out.

Their conversation at lunch had quickly gained pace, until they were inevitably cut off by the bell signifying the end of the period. Unsurprisingly, Takeru knew exactly what Yusaku had meant – they had spent a decade of their lives more or less dead to the world, only to come back with the sole purpose of fighting what had happened to them. Now that it was all said and done… neither of them really knew, exactly, where they belonged.

This was something Yusaku desperately wanted to talk to Ryoken about, knowing the boy was in the same boat as the two of them, but he decided against it that day; feeling that he'd neglected his relationships with the other victims long enough for the time being, despite not having been that long at all. It was a bit of a foreign feeling to him, but the guilt after Takeru's light joke at his arrival on the roof had gnawed at him for the rest of the school day.

When they finally arrived at his rundown apartment, Takeru went straight to the fridge as he always did, determined to find the one edible piece of food still left there to devour. He'd made a habit of it long ago, when they first started working together to get back Jin; which had evolved into usually heading out to the convenience store a few blocks down to buy bento for both of them.

"Do you have _any _thoughts?" Takeru called out from the kitchen, as Yusaku put his bag down near the door. "Like, at all?"

He didn't reply immediately, racking his brain for something. There had never been much of a thought into what job or field he'd go into; Yusaku had always just assumed he'd make money doing programming like he did now. He'd never put any thought into university, or where he wanted to live after he graduated – nothing at all. Truth of the matter was Yusaku had never planned for the future because he did not ever expect to _have _a future. Saying that aloud to Takeru, however, was a completely different story.

"Not really," he finally voiced out with a sigh. "What about you?" He asked, trying to change the subject away from himself. He knew that Takeru was there to help _him_, but it felt moot when all he had ever thought about was closure for the Lost Incident, and then later finding and saving Jin.

"I want to go back to my hometown," Takeru said, making his way back into the small living room and plopping down on the couch, a small bowl of yogurt in hand. "I don't know. I feel like I owe it to my grandparents," he continued, frustration making its way into his voice. "I want to make it up to them, for all those years I wasted away, but," he trailed off, taking an angry bite of his food. "I don't know."

Yusaku nodded along, thinking deeply about his words. It made sense, he thought, to want to go back to where he came from and his family was – there was a lot he probably needed to do, to say, that he hadn't gotten the chance to, yet.

"You don't have to stay forever," he reminded him. "Den City isn't going anywhere."

"I know that, but," again, Takeru trailed off, and Yusaku noted how much this much be getting to him. He usually was very bold in his words, never holding back – clearly, there was a lot going through his head. "I don't want to disappoint anyone by leaving. It's something I've wanted to do since everything finished, but there's so many people I'd hurt."

"You shouldn't worry about that," Yusaku said, looking at him sharply. "You should do what's best for you, regardless of what we all think. Nobody would hold that against you." He couldn't think of a single one of their friends who would, at least.

There was a pause, and then Takeru snorted out a laugh. Yusaku was almost offended; he was trying to be serious, but Takeru interrupted before he could even think to scowl. "You looked just like Revolver then. Spending too much time with him or something?"

Yusaku blinked, and he almost smiled then, too. When he was younger, and desperately wishing he could connect with others, he had thought often of the voice that saved him. Once he rescued him, Yusaku would think, would they become close like he saw on TV, or in movies? Would they go out often, sharing food and laughter? Would they end up picking up phases from one another, even mannerisms?

Now he really got to see that in motion – over a decade later, everything that he had wanted when he thought of that voice was slowly coming true. They had been going out to eat, spending time together like normal friends would, and seeking each other out, even.

Despite the fact that they'd been spending a lot of time together, he wanted to spend _more _time with the older boy. He was happy to be with Takeru at the moment – happy that his friend could understand his thought and feelings, and that after all these years they both had found people to confide in – but even still, the want to share these exact same thoughts and feelings with Ryoken was at the forefront of his mind.

At that thought, a light bulb went off in Yusaku's head. He almost felt stupid for having not realized it earlier; it had been right in front of him the entire time. It wasn't just that it had been there recently, hovering quietly in the background, either. It was a feeling that had been bubbling up, making itself known for a long, long time now. Probably, Yusaku realized now, since the first time he and Ryoken had come face to face, after ten years of searching and waiting and wanting to help the other.

"Takeru," Yusaku said, breaking the silence in a serious tone. Instantly, his friend looked alarmed, eyes shooting over from his bowl of yogurt to Yusaku's face. "I figured it out. Thank you."

It took a moment, but the concern that had spread on Takeru's face morphed to confusion, and then to curiosity. "I'm not sure what I said, but you're welcome?" A pause, and then he continued, "are you going to tell me?"

Part of him almost wanted to keep it to himself – this was something that had been so private for him, for so much of his life. It wasn't like he had anyone to _tell_, in the past, but now that he did he wasn't sure he _wanted_ to.

But Takeru was looking at him with so much hope and relief that Yusaku couldn't help but give. "It's Ryoken," he said, hoping that small explanation would be enough.

It, inevitably, wasn't. "What about him?"

"I," he started, but stopped himself. He wasn't really sure how to say this. "I want to be with him. That's what I want for my future. I want Ryoken in it."

They sat in silence for a few moments, Takeru's eyes widening at Yusaku's bold proclamation. To Yusaku, it didn't seem that odd at all – after all, he'd based so many years around wanting to save him, and now they were _friends_. Sometimes, it still didn't seem real; that they went out to get food together, and had normal conversations about normal things.

_Well_, Yusaku amended to himself, as normal as the two of them got, at least.

But the fact was, Ryoken represented so much for Yusaku, and now that he truly thought about it, it only made sense. Having Ryoken in his future, _spending _his future with Ryoken…

Now that he was _really _thinking about it, the thought wouldn't go away. It swam around his mind, almost invasive, as he thought of all the different ways this could go.

"You're in love with Revolver?" Takeru broke the silence by asking, shock in his voice. "I mean, I should've figured honestly, but—"

"I'm what." Yusaku cut him off, his words coming out not as a question but much more deadpan. The words _in love with _took over the swimming in his mind, and it was like the final puzzle piece had just been put in.

Everything – _everything _– began to shift inside his head. Why he had went to Stardust Road as a means to calm himself, why he felt he was able to connect with Ryoken in a different way than the other Lost Incident victims, why he felt no shame talking about his worries or his hardships with the older boy… Why even after the Tower of Hanoi, after knowing he was safe, he had wanted to see him again so badly. Why he had dreamt of him, every night, for those three months without Ai, without going into Link VRAINS.

Why he had always felt a certain kind of contentedness in his presence that he had never experienced before.

Now it was Takeru's turn to blink. "That's what you just said though, right?" He started, mild panic in his tone. "You said he was your future. Did I take that the wrong way or—"

"No," Yusaku cut him off again. "No." They both went silent again, though this time it was broken by a deep breath from Yusaku. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," he told him firmly, and Takeru nodded frantically.

"Of course," he said, still nodding like a bobble-head. "Yeah, of course, Yusaku."

They moved on after a few moments, talking more about Takeru and his thoughts about moving to his hometown – and oddly enough about Aoi, for some reason – but for the rest of the night, Yusaku's mind was totally elsewhere.

He was in love with Ryoken.

* * *

He wasn't really sure what to do with this revelation.

In theory, Yusaku could tell him. He didn't think the older boy would take it badly; on the contrary, Yusaku firmly believed Ryoken would understand his feelings. Accepting them was another story, but with how they were now, he couldn't see him being _angry_ about it. Even if this was months ago, when they had first started working together to defeat Lightning – even _before that_, when he was still being cryptic and frustrating; having odd meetups where he would rile up Ai for self-satisfaction, Yusaku couldn't see him being angry. On the surface, maybe, but not really.

The more he thought about it, though, the less Yusaku wanted to do that. It just felt like an unnecessary gesture to him – they were close, they spent time together often; Yusaku didn't need anything more. Going out of his way to profess words out when his actions should make things obvious felt like a waste of time.

On top of that, it felt almost awkward. Since the Lost Incident, he'd never been good at speaking about feelings. With Ryoken it was a different story, but the point still remained: it was difficult for him to express himself through words.

So, Yusaku decided, there was no point. Things would carry on like usual between them, and he would keep his feelings close to his heart. As they should be.

* * *

"Yusaku," Miyu waved her chopsticks at him, a bright smile on her face, "it's been awhile since everyone saw Jin and Spectre."

He nodded slowly, not disagreeing with her. None of them had seen Spectre – or had even talked to him, Miyu excluded – since the decision, and Takeru was the only one besides Kusanagi that had seen Jin. What that point had to do with anything, though, was totally lost on him.

"So!" Miyu perked up even more when she received no resistance from him, Aoi rolling her eyes jokingly from next to her friend. "Since Akira is gone for the weekend, Aoi and I were thinking we could have everyone over for dinner!"

_Oh. _Yusaku shouldn't have been surprised she was trying to rope him into something. Over the months since she'd awoken from her coma, Miyu had been nothing but a positive force in everyone's lives. However, as she was very much so an extravert, this meant she was constantly trying to get them all to do things as a group.

It wasn't bad, per se, it was just… draining. She was a force to be reckoned with when she wanted something though, and Yusaku knew better than to tell her no.

"Do I have a choice?" He deadpanned, biting into his rice ball to hide his mild irritation. He was beginning to regret letting Takeru drag him up to the rooftop for lunch today.

She laughed, and he swore he could hear Aoi giggling, too. "Of course not! We were thinking Saturday night, since that gives us the most time to clean up the next day."

Yusaku sighed, shaking his head. He knew that if he didn't show up, they would find him – no matter where he tried to hide – and force him there, anyways.

"I'll sweeten the deal for you, though," Miyu continued, her gaze turning smug. "I'll invite Ryoken, since I haven't seen him in a while, either. Sound fair?"

Fighting hard to keep his eyes from narrowing at her – or Takeru, the only way she would've found out, probably – he shook his head instead. "Doesn't matter to me," he finally said after a moment. "I have to go anyway, don't I?"

Except it did matter to him. The idea of seeing Ryoken always made him… happy, but it was almost as if now that he knew the extent of his feelings, he was even more aware. More aware of the way his heart sped up in his chest, and of the warmth the spread through his veins almost instantly.

It was pathetic, really.

"You do!" Miyu chirped, going back to her bento happily. "Okay, then. Aoi, we should figure out what we're doing for catering tonight!"

Yusaku zoned out after that, missing Takeru's anxious look by a mile. He hadn't been planning on doing much this weekend; likely just heading over to Stardust Road in hopes of seeing Ryoken again. He had mentioned repaying him for… repaying him, last time, after all. That idea was blown out of the water, now, but at least he would have a chance at seeing him, anyways.

Somehow, that almost made up for the fact that he'd have to sit through one of Miyu's crazy gatherings on his Saturday night.

Almost.

* * *

Dinner, thus far, had been quite a different event from what he had been expecting – there had even been a picture taken, which never happened. Usually, Yusaku was fairly irritated at these events; or at least tired out by them. Today, though, he found himself watching Ryoken the whole time.

The white haired boy had seemed distracted by something all night. Every time that they would make eye contact, he would look away, and even more oddly refused to talk to Yusaku one-on-one. In fact, he'd barely said two words to him all night – only speaking to him directly when other people were involved in the conversation.

It was extremely frustrating, to say the least. Yusaku had finally felt that not only were they on the same page again – a first since they had leaked the Lost Incident – but they had become even closer than before. Sure, it had really only been a couple of outings with actual speaking involved, but it had felt different to Yusaku. It had felt good, and he knew part of that was because of his realization with Takeru the other night.

So now he sat at the dining table they'd used in Aoi's massive mansion, arms crossed and fairly grumpy. He wasn't one to pout, but his irritation with the night was too high for him to want to bother and socialize with anyone else. Everyone that was there were people he already had perfectly fine relationships with, anyways; it was just the other Lost Incident victims, Aoi, Ryoken, and the older Kusanagi brother.

He watched with narrowed eyes as Miyu approached Ryoken, aggravated that he seemed perfectly fine talking to everyone else _but _him. Had he done something wrong? He couldn't figure it out.

"You've been so gloomy all night," Miyu chided, wagging her finger at him. "Goodness, Ryoken!" She laughed, bounding over to him with ease. "You should really cheer up. Yusaku loves you, you know!"

Yusaku froze. Ryoken froze. Miyu froze.

That was something that could've easily been played off as a joke, among a normal group of friends, but the way the three of them froze – the way Miyu had said it so _casually, _as if it was the most normal way to cheer up her friends was to remind them that _one specific other friend _loved them – threw all chances of that straight out the window.

Luckily, everyone else was busy with something – Aoi fighting with Spectre in the kitchen, Takeru kindly taking in everyone's empty dishes from the table, Jin on the balcony, staring off into space – so nobody besides the three of them had heard Miyu's exclamation.

Yusaku nearly stumbled out of his chair, catching himself before he could do so. His face remained like a stone statue as Miyu began to laugh again, but it was forced as she pat Ryoken on the shoulder. So badly, he wanted to turn away from the dining table and look at the expression on the older boy's face. Was it shock? Anger? But he couldn't do that. _Wouldn't_. He had just accepted his own feelings, kind of, sort of. He had only told Takeru because he was _there_ when he made the realization, and he wasn't ready for anyone else to know.

How Miyu found out was beyond him, but he ignored that, for now. Yusaku wasn't really the type to take these kinds of things so seriously, to let other people saying things about him bother him at all, but somehow this was so different. Everything with Ryoken had always been – he didn't even let Takeru talk badly about him, all those months ago before they had begun to work together.

That day when Takeru had tried to duel him, when he tried to blame Revolver for everything, Yusaku had snapped. His words had been careful, his tone even, but the response was automatic. He wanted Takeru to _understand_.

"Excuse me?" Ryoken finally replied, Yusaku's ears straining to hear it over the noises from the kitchen. "Miyu?"

It was like Miyu snapped back into reality – even without looking over towards them, Yusaku could tell by her sharp intake of air. "I – that is, um—"

He couldn't take it anymore. The sound of his chair scraping the floor was deafeningly loud, but he pushed it back, moving quickly. Without a word, he made his way to the front door – everyone either being too busy or too stunned, in the case of Miyu and Ryoken – to stop him as he left.

* * *

The burst of cool summer air hit him as soon as he pushed the doors open. Not stopping to enjoy it, he walked quickly away from the scene of the crime.

Now that he was thinking about it, he wasn't all that surprised that Miyu had found out. Similar to her Ignis, Miyu was quite good at analyzing people – especially those she was close with. If Yusaku was being honest with himself, she probably had figured it out before he himself did. Her odd comments and Takeru's guilty look from the other day made a lot more sense, now; she'd probably cornered him and asked for some kind of confirmation before saying anything about it to Yusaku.

That didn't matter, though. What mattered is that now Ryoken _knew, _something he had never wanted to happen. At least not like that. It could've been played off as a weird joke, but Miyu was a terrible liar; and besides, he had run out of there like a dog with its tail between its legs. Even if Miyu could've potentially lied, his reaction would've said all that Ryoken needed to know.

He loved him.

Since his realization with Takeru, it had plagued him night and day. Yusaku found himself going to Stardust Road every day that past week, just looking for a reason to see the older boy. It was almost like once he had said the words out loud, a dam had burst – and now he couldn't hold himself back.

Snapping back into reality, Yusaku breathed in hard. He wasn't sure where exactly he'd run off to – Aoi's house, more like mansion, was located in the area of Den City he rarely went, only going to visit Aoi or Miyu when asked. Reaching into his pockets to grab his phone, his lips curled into a frown when he realized he'd left it right in Aoi's dining room table.

In a rare display of emotion, he groaned out loud.

* * *

It had taken no less than an hour to find his way back home, quickly typing a simple reminder to Miyu to bring his phone to school with her tomorrow through Link VRAINS. As soon as he did, Yusaku stripped off his hoodie and jeans, finding his last pair of clean pajamas. Writing a mental note to do laundry tomorrow when he got home, he pushed himself into bed.

Sleep, however, did not come easy to him.

Despite how exhausted Yusaku was, both from the socializing that night and from the long detour home, his mind was stuck replaying Ryoken's reaction over and over again like a broken record. He could so clearly here his _excuse me? _in his head it was almost painful. Ryoken hadn't given away anything other than shock in his reaction, and part of Yusaku wondered if that was for the best. Anything other than that and he'd been analyzing it all night instead of sleeping.

He turned himself over to face the wall, wondering if he should do his nightly checkup online of any concerning talk about the Lost Incident. He'd been trying to cut back on his paranoia, at Ryoken's insistence, but when he was wide awake like this it was hard to think of other things to do.

He hadn't gone into Link VRAINS since everything had ended, and Yusaku wasn't about to break that streak tonight. His phone was off at Miyu's, so doing anything from bed was also a no.

He sighed, turning again. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

"Yusaku!" A loud bang accompanied the familiar voice of Miyu outside his apartment, and he blinked himself out of sleep quickly. "Open up, please! I have your phone!"

Standing up quickly, he hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep. He took a quick glance at the time on his computer before heading upstairs, he saw that it was 11 PM.

"Why are you here so late?" He asked, disapproval obvious in his voice as he yanked his front door open. "People worry about you, you know." Den City was a generally pretty safe place to be, as far as the crime rate went, but Yusaku lived in the worst part of town. It wasn't an _unsafe _place to be, per se, but it certainly wasn't somewhere anyone would want to be walking alone at night if they couldn't take care of themselves.

She waved him off, pushing herself through the doorway into his shabby apartment. "Nah, I'm tough," she said, giving him a grin before it dropped immediately. They were both quiet for a long moment, before Miyu spoke up again, almost tearfully. "I'm sorry about tonight," she told him. "I didn't mean for that to happen, really, I just—"

"It's fine," Yusaku cut her off, not wanting to hear anymore of her apology. He'd known Miyu for long enough now to understand that she was just trying to help, and sometimes didn't even realize the things that came out of her mouth. "I'm more aggravated that you came out here by yourself."

She winced. "I just kind of rushed out once Aoi was heading to bed," she said, digging in her pocket as she did so. "I couldn't wait until tomorrow to apologize." She pushed his phone at him, and he took it after a moment, gripping it tightly.

"I'll walk you home," Yusaku decided, making his way to where he'd haphazardly thrown his keys down. "I have something to do anyways." He'd already been thinking about wanting to go to Stardust Road when he'd fallen asleep, as a way to clear his mind. Now was as good of a time as any. At this time of night, he figured, there'd be no chance of running into Ryoken anyways.

He moved into the bathroom with his only clean clothes, his school uniform, already in a rush despite the fact he'd just been woken up. It didn't take long to change, and once he stepped out of the bathroom and threw his pajamas back onto his bed, Miyu was staring at him with a worried look.

"Are you sure?" Miyu asked, wide eyed. "I don't mind. It's not too far a walk to Aoi's place, anyways."

He'd already pulled his shoes back on by the time she'd finished speaking. "Let's go," he motioned to the door.

* * *

Glancing at his phone, Yusaku found that it was almost midnight by the time he ended up at Stardust Road. That was fine by him. It had been a long while since he'd been out and about this late at night – the last time had almost certainly been while he was still traversing in Link VRAINS as Playmaker.

Things were much more peaceful this late, in his opinion. Most people were asleep, and those who weren't didn't want to be too loud in fear of being rude and waking someone. And Stardust Road, shining brightly, was always beautiful in the moonlight.

Surprisingly, he hadn't come out there to see Ryoken – actually, he was kind of keen on avoiding the older boy, right now. He'd come there mostly to let off some steam and let himself think. He hadn't lied to the other boy when he said being there helped him think again, though now Yusaku knew part of that was most likely because being places that reminded him of Ryoken helped him calm down, even if just a little.

Moving towards the fence, he allowed himself to breathe for what felt like the first time all night.

Walking Miyu home, coming here – they were both nice reminders that Ryoken finding out his true feelings didn't mean the end of the world. Not that Yusaku had really thought that, but the point remained; he had been unnecessarily worked up about it. Seeing everything continue on with or without his input was something he'd needed to see, as it was a mechanism installed in him from therapy so many years back.

Yusaku stood there for a long time, just letting his mind clear itself of all his thoughts and enjoying the light breeze that came off the ocean. It was hot in the summer in Den City, and with no air conditioning in his shitty apartment the air out here felt like heaven.

"Yusaku?"

He wasn't sure why he was even surprised, at this point.

* * *

It took him longer than he would've liked to turn around and face Ryoken, but eventually, Yusaku did, feeling more unsure then he'd ever admit to someone's face. He schooled his face to the best of his ability, but he was positive the older boy would still be able to read him, anyways.

"What are you doing here so late?" Ryoken asked him, voice steady, though his eyes betrayed him. They were looking everywhere at once – so much so that Yusaku couldn't keep track.

_Was he… nervous?_

"I walked Miyu home and stopped by for a minute," he answered honestly, blinking. "It's hot in my apartment."

It was a great excuse because it wasn't _solely _an excuse, but despite that, as Yusaku suspected Ryoken saw straight through it.

"About earlier—"

"It's fine," Yusaku cut him off quickly. "Let's not—"

"_Yusaku_." The world around them both seemed to stop as Ryoken used his real name for the first time in a long time. "You are going to listen to me without interruption," he breathed out, and any ideas Yusaku had about interrupting again vanished. He couldn't say no to that voice, still, after all this time.

Instead of running or cutting him off again, Yusaku mechanically nodded, unable to do much else.

"Good," Ryoken said, taking a moment before continuing. "I want to hear it from you, directly. What Miyu said – is that true?"

_Is what true_ was the snarky response that came to mind instantly, but instead, he just nodded again, unable to lie. Not that he would've wanted to, if he were being honest. The idea of lying to Ryoken was one that didn't sit well with him, and it certainly wasn't something he wanted to do when it came to such a serious topic.

Yusaku didn't really understand _love_. He never cared for it, never bothered to try and return the occasional classmate's advances or anything of the sort growing up. He'd always been so isolated from those kinds of things, but he knew there was no other way to describe this all-consuming _want_ to be around Ryoken, and only Ryoken.

"Say it, then."

Embarrassment was probably the wrong word, but Yusaku felt his face turn beet red regardless. "It's true," he said, though he knew that wasn't what Ryoken wanted to hear. Part of him couldn't even believe this was happening, right now. Did Ryoken feel the same?

Having spent the last week or so trying to convince himself it didn't matter if that were the case, Yusaku wasn't sure how to feel about that. He couldn't deny the possibility anymore, but he also couldn't deny the little flip-flops his chest was doing at the thought.

"I think you know what I meant," Ryoken reprimanded, but it almost sounded… teasing, to Yusaku – similar to when they were at the cafe, and the warming of his face spread quickly to his ears, for some reason.

A deep breath, and then: "I love you."

Just like when he first made the realization, it was like a weight had been lifted off of him. He felt free – freer than he may have ever felt in his life.

"I love you," Yusaku repeated himself, just to _say it_. A smile – a real, honest and genuine smile – bloomed over his face, which was slowly regaining its normal color.

"How long?" Ryoken asked, his voice nothing more than a whisper. "How long have you known?"

It wasn't a real response – not a concrete reply, nothing substantial that Yusaku could work with, but that was okay with him. It had always been okay with him, really, that Ryoken might not return his feelings. Being faced with the possibility now, after just being faced with the possibility of the opposite, did nothing to stop the flow of his emotions, however.

He shrugged, unsure really of what to tell him. The feeling had been building for quite some time; likely since they had first met face to face all that time ago, right before they fought on the Tower. "A while," he decided on, because although he had only fully understood when he had hung out with Takeru, he'd _known_ for longer. He just hadn't put his finger on it, yet.

"You're," Ryoken paused, his face contorting for a moment before he forcibly shifted it back to neutral, "awfully calm about this, considering."

Still no sign of an actual answer, and still, Yusaku couldn't find it in him to care. "I guess."

"But you're serious."

"Of course I am. I love you." The more Yusaku said it, the easier it was getting for him. "I love you, Ryoken."

The older boy was quiet for a long moment as they stared at each other, the moonlight reflecting off the water as their only source of light. Yusaku's night vision was perfectly fine, but it was still difficult for him to make out the expression Ryoken was currently making.

That was okay, though.

"You don't need to answer me," he said, eyes not moving from Ryoken's face. "It's fine either way."

More silence, until something in Ryoken's face twisted, and before Yusaku knew it, he was in the other boy's arms. He blinked, feeling Ryoken pull him in closer.

"Ryoken?" He asked, his voice breathy. His arms were still limp at his sides, not knowing what, exactly, to do. He'd never been one for physical affection – Takeru, who was very touchy, even understood not to go too far; only doing so much at a time.

Surprisingly, though, Yusaku found himself moving into Ryoken, almost on instinct. His arms were still clueless as to what to do, but he shifted his face to more comfortably sit on Ryoken's shoulder.

"I'm such a fool," Ryoken breathed out, hand coming up gently to touch Yusaku's hair. "I'm sorry I didn't realize."

"It's fine," he said, though it came out as almost a question. His voice still had no bite to it at all – usual monotone completely replaced by the breathlessness he was feeling. Being held like this was completely new to him, and yet he found he didn't want it to stop.

"I love you, too," Ryoken finally said, and Yusaku sucked in a breath. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

Neither of them knew what to say after that; content to just stand in each other's arms. Neither of them had really ever gotten a chance to do this, before, so it wasn't really a surprise that even something as simple as a _hug _would be incredibly profound to each boy.

When they finally had a mind to release each other, Yusaku looked at Ryoken to see the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen.

He'd seen so many different looks over the last year from the older boy – anger, disgust, hatred, which then became mellower and turned into neutral territory. Lately, he'd seen small smiles, teasing eyes, gentle expressions he'd previously never even dreamed of.

And now, as he looked at Ryoken's honest smile, he couldn't help but smile, too.

* * *

"Whoa, Yusaku," Miyu said, eyeing him carefully as she sat down for lunch outside of Cafe Nagi, "you look oddly… happy."

Normally he would've just ignored the girl's comment, but after last night, he found himself shrugging. "I am."

After he had found out that Ryoken felt the same, Yusaku had barely worried all day. The talks and gossip about the Lost Incident had been slowly dying out, and he found his anxiety had all but washed away after last night. It wasn't as if the things that bothered him no longer existed, they suddenly just felt like they weren't the most pressing matter at hand. He still would tense for a moment, when someone mentioned the Lost Incident, but that day he had found it easy to just let it go.

They hadn't spoken too much after their hug, but they had agreed to meet again on Stardust Road that afternoon, once Yusaku was out of school. It was a nice feeling. There was so much he wasn't used to, so much he had never experienced, but he found with Ryoken, everything new was interesting and almost exciting.

_That _was new, too.

"You are?" She questioned, peering at him closely. "Even after last night?"

_Oh_. Of course Miyu was concerned, Yusaku realized.

All she knew was that at their dinner party, she had accidentally let it slip that he was in love with Ryoken, and then ran out like a complete coward. She had no idea that he had then seen that same boy after he had walked her back, and they had talked everything over.

Or, well, as much as the two of them knew _how _to talk about their feelings.

He closed his laptop, facing Miyu directly. "We talked last night," he told her, "after I dropped you off." Though he was still not good at sharing more than the bare necessities of facts, Miyu was used to this, and bobbed her head at his words.

"Well that's good!" She smiled at him before taking a bite of her hotdog. "I'm glad you guys figured everything out."

"Don't talk with food in your mouth."

"Sorry," Miyu laughed, swallowing her bite before talking again. "So was I actually helpful? Did I spend all night worrying for nothing?"

Yusaku took a minute to mull that over, opening his laptop again. "Yes," he finally decided on. "Thanks, Miyu."

* * *

"I hope you don't mind pizza," Ryoken said, sliding the box onto the table in front of him.

It was Yusaku's first time at Ryoken's mansion for a normal, average visit, and he couldn't help but feel a bit out of sorts. They were complete opposites in their upbringing – similar, in some ways when it came to their parent's neglect, but in terms of how lavishly they lived? It was as different as night and day.

Yusaku hadn't really ever bothered with pizza, as there wasn't a chain near him and the convenience store was much cheaper, but he didn't hate it. "It's fine," he said, grabbing a slice from the box once it was opened. "Thanks for the food."

Ryoken nodded, settling down on the couch next to him. They were in one of the many open living room spaces in the mansion, content to just enjoy each other's company for the night.

It had been about two weeks since the dinner party at Aoi's place, and since then, they'd fallen into a good routine: they'd see each other as often as their respective schedules allowed for it, talking or just relaxing together. Ryoken had even just hung out while Yusaku finally caught up on his classwork again last week, which was an odd experience for him. Not a bad experience, by any means – he found he quite enjoyed the older boy's company, and found himself able to relax much more easily – just… different, from what he was used to.

Today was a bit different for Yusaku, though. Since Takeru had mentioned that afternoon at lunch he'd bought his tickets to return to his hometown, their talk a few weeks back had been at the forefront of his mind. He'd figured out that he wanted to be with Ryoken, but he hadn't at all thought _past _that.

He already had secured his place by Ryoken's side after miraculously finding out the older boy felt the same. He didn't need to worry over that anymore, which meant that he was now fully thinking about what to do after graduation in a few months.

It didn't seem like it was coming up quickly, it was only heading into September after all, but he couldn't shake the thought. His other classmates had already begun discussing applying for Universities; even Naoki had inquired if he planned on going or not, and Yusaku had been at a loss.

"What's on your mind?" Ryoken asked, snapping Yusaku out of his thoughts. Leave it to his boyfriend – the word still didn't feel quite right, but he wasn't sure what else to call him anymore – to recognize immediately how distracted he was.

Sighing, Yusaku took a bite of his pizza, realizing he had just been holding it the entire time. "Do you remember that talk we had," he began slowly in between bites, "a long time ago, about how I don't know what I'm doing?"

It was hard to believe that had been over two months ago. It felt like just the other week to Yusaku that they were just starting to mend themselves.

"Yes," Ryoken nodded, a bit confused. "Why?"

"I had a talk with Takeru about it too," he confessed, feeling a bit awkward. Despite it being Ryoken, someone he could easily tell his feelings to, he still felt uncomfortable talking about himself in this way. Far, far less uncomfortable then with anyone else, but the point still remained: he simply wasn't used to it. "And I realized that I had absolutely no plan."

The older boy mulled that over for a minute, taking another slice from the box. "Why would you have?" He said, referring back to their previous conversation on the topic. "Neither of us really got the chance."

"_You _don't have to figure it out," Yusaku pointed out, looking around the room to prove his point. Ryoken was sitting on a considerable inheritance fund, and if by some chance he eventually ran out, he apparently had stocks to sell, and an impressive resume as a computer programmer – cyber terrorism aside. "_I _kind of do. Soon."

"You could always just live with me," Ryoken mused, and Yusaku could only stare at him with narrowed eyes. Not that it wasn't a tempting offer, but he preferred his ability to support himself. He hadn't done the best job of it over his lifetime; often skipping meals to get by and only buying the absolute bare minimum, but he wasn't quite ready to have someone else do all the heavy lifting for him.

Wasn't sure if he ever would be.

"But if that's not acceptable," he continued, "have you thought at all about furthering your education?"

"Not particularly," Yusaku admitted, reaching for another slice of pizza. The box was already half empty, and his green eyes fixated on it as he continued. "I don't really know what the point would be to go, and it's not like I can afford it, either. And don't say that you would pay for it," he stopped his boyfriend before he could interrupt. "I wouldn't want that."

Ryoken shifted on the couch, turning to face Yusaku better. "Regardless, it's something to think about. There are scholarship options, as well."

That was true, and it wasn't something Yusaku had considered before. However, he shook his head. "I don't even know what I would study."

"Just think about it," Ryoken said, his hand finding Yusaku's open one with ease. Since the night of Aoi's – Miyu's, really – dinner party, Ryoken had become very interested in touching Yusaku as often as possible. Yusaku didn't mind at all, but it was still different and new. Nonetheless, Yusaku squeezed his hand gently, letting him know that it was fine. "You don't have to decide anything yet."

That was also true. He sighed, leaning into the older boy now that they both had stopped eating. "Okay," Yusaku agreed, closing his eyes.

He'd think about it later.

* * *

The rest of autumn came and went for Yusaku, falling into something he never thought he'd have: normalcy. Things had finally, seemingly, evened out for the once internet vigilante as he slowly adjusted to the idea that he was now an average student and citizen in Den City.

Ryoken helped a lot with that; his attention and care had become something Yusaku unwillingly learned to depend on. What was once a fear of letting others take over for him when it got too tough to handle became an everyday occurrence when necessary, and Yusaku couldn't help but feel slightly proud. He'd never thought that he would ever have the sort of lives he saw in his classmates – the wounds within him were just too deep. Even in those three months in between the Tower of Hanoi mess and Lightning kidnapping Jin, he hadn't been able to settle himself in the way he had now.

Part of that, he knew, was now he had Ryoken by his side. In those three months he had consistently worried about the older boy.

It was now almost Christmas, and while that meant the New Year was almost there, it also meant graduation was looming above him like a knife.

Takeru had yet to break the news that he would be leaving the day after graduation to anyone but him, and that also grated on Yusaku. The attention was currently all on him – both Miyu and Aoi had general plans, and had both applied to Den City University at the beginning of the month. When asked, Takeru had laughed it off, saying that they would know his plans soon enough, which only left Yusaku for the rest to pester.

And still, months after his last conversation with Ryoken about it, had not come any farther in making a decision.

* * *

"Are you doing anything for Christmas?" Miyu asked, her suggestive tone making Yusaku roll his eyes. She'd been bothering him nonstop all week about different things – what was he doing after graduation (_I don't know_), what he would be doing with Ryoken over the holiday (_nothing important_), what he thought of Takeru's silence on his own plans (_that's his business not mine_) – and while he cared about the girl, she was most definitely getting on his nerves.

"Miyu," he said with a sigh, "please stop asking."

"But I'm curious, too," the older Kusanagi piped up from his place inside the hotdog van, a smile on his face. "You've never spent Christmas with anyone before, right?"

Yusaku fought the urge to groan. "We're just having dinner at his house—"

Miyu snorted, cutting him off. "Like you can call that a _house_," she said, waving her hand in a dismissive motion. "Your boy is loaded, Yusaku."

He didn't dignify that with a response, just pointed his gaze to Kusanagi as he continued. "And that's all we have planned. He didn't even want me to get him a gift."

"You got him something anyway, right?" Miyu pressed. "You know you have to, even if Ryoken told you otherwise."

Yusaku looked to Kusanagi for help, but he just nodded along with the girl. "She's right. Definitely get him something. It doesn't have to be big," Kusanagi said, pointing his tongs at him. "It's your first Christmas together, after all."

Yusaku fought the urge to groan the longer the two looked at him. _Great_. Another thing for him to worry about. Just what he needed.

* * *

"I told you not to get me anything," was the first thing out of Ryoken's mouth when he opened the door. If Yusaku hadn't known any better he might've said his boyfriend was upset, but he could see the way his eyes kept flicking in interest towards the small gift wrapped in his hands. "But come in. Dinner is on its way."

"What are we having?" Yusaku asked as he stepped out of his shoes, used to the more formal nature of Ryoken's place at this point.

"Sushi." Ryoken shrugged. "I got us a Christmas cake, too, if you want to start with that."

Miyu, Takeru, and even Kusanagi had convinced him that this was the most romantic day of the year for couples, and yet here they were, doing the things they normally did, acting the same as always. Maybe some people would've been disappointed by that, but it brought a small smile to Yusaku's face.

"Sure," he agreed, putting the present on the table. "Let's do that."

* * *

Over the course of the night, however, Yusaku's thoughts shifted back to where they had been stuck on for weeks, now. Try as he might, he couldn't shake the anxiety that had been building up within him. What, exactly, was he going to do after graduation? It was no longer this far away event that he had time to prepare for – it was coming in the beginning of March, not even three months away.

Ryoken, perceptive as always, noticed, but kindly waited until after the sushi was finished to bring it up. "Yusaku," he began, voice similar to the one he had used that fateful night after that dinner party, "what's on your mind?"

Pushing himself further into the couch, Yusaku sighed. "When I said I never expected to live this long – to have anything to continue to live _for _– I meant it," he said, closing his eyes as he spoke. "Graduation is soon, and I'm still stuck in the dark."

It was silent for a long moment between them. Ryoken reached out for Yusaku's hand, much like the last night they had talked about this, and Yusaku let him take it. That was second nature, now; it was natural.

If only everything else made as much sense to him as their relationship did. Maybe then this wouldn't be so hard.

"You should apply for Den City University," Ryoken said, breaking the silence. "Don't even mention how you'd pay for it. You can work it off later if that's what it takes, but you should apply."

Yusaku struggled to imagine doing that, though. Paying Ryoken off for it later would feel… dirty, almost, to him. It almost felt like he'd be taking advantage of not only the older boy's kindness, but of his resources.

"What would even be the point?" He asked, words strangled as his grip on Ryoken's hand got tighter. "I still would have no direction. I should probably just take up programming—"

"Get a degree in that, then," Ryoken interrupted, returning the death grip Yusaku had on his hand in full. "I don't care. But you should try."

"But _why_?" He couldn't wrap his head around it. It's not like he didn't trust Ryoken's ideas or input – quite the opposite, actually. But nothing about this made sense to him. What was the point of putting himself in debt if he didn't even know what he was trying to get out of it?

And he could get by on simple programming jobs, like he always had. For so many years he'd been self-sufficient, making enough to get by. Yes, he skipped meals and _yes_ he lived in the most torn down apartment complex in all of Den City, but those things didn't matter to Yusaku. He didn't need anything fancy like Ryoken's house, or even where Miyu and her mother lived to exist peacefully.

To be happy.

"You owe it to yourself," Ryoken replied sharply, and Yusaku met his eyes. "You owe it to yourself to _live_, Yusaku. We've both been making large strides over the past year to learn. It will likely never come easily to us, but we've been moving forward. Isn't that what you always wanted from me? How we began to talk casually again in the first place? How we got this far?" He squeezed Yusaku's hand, as if to prove a point.

Yusaku was silent as he listened to Ryoken speak; wasn't even sure he was breathing properly.

"You had always told me we could seize a new future together. You owe it to yourself to actively chase that future, not just the present that you've become accustomed to. You owe it to everyone – myself and Ai included."

They rarely spoke about the Ignises – mostly because Ryoken still struggled to find comfort around the topic. He had learned to respect Ai before the end of the war that Lightning had started – even called him by his name – but they never got a chance to truly connect, or flesh out that respect. Yusaku knew, though, that they cared about each other, but he was still surprised Ryoken would bring him up in such a serious conversation.

"I know when I've been beat," Yusaku conceded after a moment, turning to Ryoken with a small smile on his face. He shook his head, thinking over everything that the other boy had just told him. He knew that must've taken a lot out of him, and he appreciated him so dearly in that moment. "I'll apply tomorrow. We can work out how I'll pay you back later."

A beat, and then: "I was hoping you'd forget about that part," Ryoken said, squeezing Yusaku's hand once more before letting go. "But thank you."

Yusaku nodded, turning himself to better face Ryoken. "Thank _you_," he said, boring his eyes into Ryoken's blues. "Your voice has always been my guiding light."

It was cheesy – ridiculously so – but it was the honest truth. Ever since the Lost Incident, Ryoken's voice was what Yusaku had relied on to get him through. After they had met, and Yusaku could put a face to the voice that he held so dear to him, it had morphed into something completely different.

For a long time, it had no longer just been a coping mechanism. And now, it had blossomed into this.

"Now, if you don't mind," Ryoken said, coughing a bit into his hand out of embarrassment, "I have been curious all night about what you came with."

It took Yusaku a moment before registering what he meant. "You mean your gift?"

Ryoken's light blush grew deeper, his fair skin turning dark red. "Yes."

He walked over to the other room where he had abandoned the small box to grab it, bringing it back in just a few moments later. "It's nothing much," Yusaku said, almost sheepishly. "But here."

Ryoken sat up on the couch a bit more, straightening himself out before taking the wrapped item from Yusaku. Carefully, he unwrapped it, blinking down at it as he did so. "Is this—"

"The picture from that dinner party, yeah," Yusaku confirmed, looking down at the photograph he had gotten framed a week ago.

He had agonized over what to get Ryoken for an entire week after Miyu and Kusanagi had convinced him it was necessary, unsure of what to get someone who could buy the world back if he felt like it. Finally, though, he had settled on this – a simple picture in a simple frame; one with good memories for the both of them.

It was of Aoi's dining room, with all five of the remaining Lost Incident victims and Ryoken standing around. The older Kusanagi had taken the picture, and everyone had varying expressions on their faces, all true to themselves. Yusaku wasn't even looking at the camera; instead, his gaze rested on Ryoken, standing close to him. Ryoken, likewise, was looking away, trying to make it not obvious that his eyes had been on Yusaku. Miyu and Takeru were both grinning widely, Miyu's arms around one of Jin's, who wasn't smiling but didn't look _unhappy_. Aoi stood near Takeru, a light blush on her face for some reason, while Spectre stood to the other side of Miyu, smiling pleasantly for the picture.

Yusaku had never cared for pictures before, finding them a waste of time, but something about this one spoke to him. Maybe it was that they were finally all together – they had all found each other, somehow, and acquired two new friends along the way in Aoi and the older Kusanagi. Though they weren't all as close as some – Takeru and Ryoken weren't at all close, and Spectre still tended to stay by himself most of the time – they were…

He hesitated to use the word _family_, as he couldn't remember the last time he had, but that's what it felt like, to him.

"Thank you," Ryoken's voice was hoarse, and Yusaku quickly realized there were unshed tears in his eyes. "Thank you, Yusaku. I love you."

"I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed. I love this ship so much, and I'm so happy that I can finally share this with the world :')


End file.
